Screams

Eyes wide burning with tears
trying to see through the darkness

I hear the screams the cries for help,
but I feel nothing I am heartless
Running away as fast as I can
as the sounds become faint
I stop for one second as the sun burns my skin,
I turn around, but to late

My thoughts are constantly divided,
a playground for good and bad

I must say evil is winning,
and numbness doesn’t feel so bad
There are words being spoken around me,
don’t know if I should listen
My ears are deaf to repetitive advice,
my thoughts a constant contradiction

So easy to pretend I have no control and everything is out of my hands

Float through each day, from one to the next, as if my feet can’t land
I know I used to speak, I used to have so much to say
I open my mouth but the words won’t come, and for a while it’s been this way

With each sarcastic sly remark, shot at me at close range

Backs turned on me, walks in the opposite direction, which always felt so strange
I slowly began to be able to retain all real human emotion
They live inside me haunting my dreams, the ingredients for a perfect potion

Although I meet them seldom, sleep is something I have lost

It was taken away along with my soul, life lessons at an unfair cost
Punishment for giving me to those who could not appreciate sincerity
Is sitting in silence, in the loudest quiet, without one moment of clarity

But why complain, why react, why prove that they have won

That would be admitting I’ve been defeated, something that can’t be done
My strength is my motivation and in the end I will prosper
No matter how long this pain remains my reflection says “she’s here you haven’t lost her”

There’s a voice coming from somewhere in the back of my mind

I find myself not running anymore, but searching for something I can’t find
My heart is racing, I feel the moisture on my face, and I’m running out of time
The voices become louder as I’m getting closer, that’s when I realize all along

The screams were mine..

 

Epiphany

Caged by my own thoughts a prisoner of my own mind

The silence screams so loud I search for reality, no sign

The invisible lines of physical and fantasy have been so blurred

I attempt to wake my open eyes but it’s my day dreams I prefer

I am not living, I'm simply existing, in this mess that I’ve created

Can’t go back and erase the past, after all that would be time wasted

I can only go forward, though it feels like I'm running uphill, on quick sand

My chin is up, tears cloud my vision, no sense in reaching for help, no hands

This is my life, my fight, I must be strong enough to do this all alone

As I sit back observing attentively, slowly true colors are shown

While I'm quiet and not speaking, they wonder what I'm thinking

But my thoughts are mine, they’re all I have, let them think I'm sinking

I may trip but I will not fall, I am destined for nothing less than greatness

I take something from every misfortune, that’s why my heart is weightless

Always keep a straight face or dress it up with a perfectly painted smile

I laugh at jokes, engage in mindless conversation, crying inside all the while

I am human on the inside, I believe that’s where it counts the most

But on the outside I'm completely put together, all emotions ghost

No more letting perpetrators in, no more let downs, no more selfless sins

I’ve given too much of what I don’t have away with absolutely no wins

My mind is set, I'm breaking through these bars, after these tears are shed

Taking two steps backwards, out of the picture, to see what lies ahead

When you don’t know what to do, you should simply stand still

That’s what I am doing now, because whatever is supposed to happen will