Mosaic

Skin crawling with discomfort, the tears serve no purpose
Why do we choose to engage in situations that continue to hurt us?
I say choose, you may disagree, but it's always a defining decision
It's hard to accept responsibility, for the Masochism you've chosen to live in

When a friend in need approaches, with tears in their eyes
My words flow fluently like liquid bandages, as their pain is compromised
I hear praise, I feel the love, and I know that once again, I have ameliorated
Silently hoping to take my own advice, choking until I’m asphyxiated

To be so intelligent, that you're forced to observe yourself, through plated glass
Can cause insanity, as you fight the paralysis, and once again, pull on the mask
The hero, the conquer, the gallant, who can straight faced take on the world
The one who refuses to close their eyes, for fear of inevitably, seeing themselves

You'll never know I beat me, you'll never see my scars
I hide them, with every laugh, every smile, keeping myself in charge
I know implosion awaits me, I know one day, I shall face me
I daydream about this bitter sweet encounter, with an attitude, always hasty

As I wander through each passing day, I avoid glancing left or right
The reflection in reflecting things, might offer some unwanted insight
Do not ask questions, you do not want answers to, always first prepare
So my world is filled with broken mirrors, after all, it’s impolite to stare

The most difficult battle you will ever fight, is the one against yourself
Some people never engage the thought, some people never ask for help
I'm not sure if it's help I need, or I simply just choose to ignore
I'm not sure if it's worth the energy, I'm not sure what I'd be fighting for

I do know however, that I am special, I do know I'm worth a second look 
A rare breed, a diamond in the rough, that is all too often forsook
Brushed over, glanced passed, not paid close enough attention to
I also know, until I win this battle against me, no one ever will

You never allow someone to abuse you, more that you abuse yourself
Let me admit the truth to this statement, coming to terms with it myself
But please don't try to fix me, your speech is better left unspoken
I am a masterpiece, a contingent extraordinaire, I am beautifully broken

Screams

Eyes wide burning with tears
trying to see through the darkness

I hear the screams the cries for help,
but I feel nothing I am heartless
Running away as fast as I can
as the sounds become faint
I stop for one second as the sun burns my skin,
I turn around, but to late

My thoughts are constantly divided,
a playground for good and bad

I must say evil is winning,
and numbness doesn’t feel so bad
There are words being spoken around me,
don’t know if I should listen
My ears are deaf to repetitive advice,
my thoughts a constant contradiction

So easy to pretend I have no control and everything is out of my hands

Float through each day, from one to the next, as if my feet can’t land
I know I used to speak, I used to have so much to say
I open my mouth but the words won’t come, and for a while it’s been this way

With each sarcastic sly remark, shot at me at close range

Backs turned on me, walks in the opposite direction, which always felt so strange
I slowly began to be able to retain all real human emotion
They live inside me haunting my dreams, the ingredients for a perfect potion

Although I meet them seldom, sleep is something I have lost

It was taken away along with my soul, life lessons at an unfair cost
Punishment for giving me to those who could not appreciate sincerity
Is sitting in silence, in the loudest quiet, without one moment of clarity

But why complain, why react, why prove that they have won

That would be admitting I’ve been defeated, something that can’t be done
My strength is my motivation and in the end I will prosper
No matter how long this pain remains my reflection says “she’s here you haven’t lost her”

There’s a voice coming from somewhere in the back of my mind

I find myself not running anymore, but searching for something I can’t find
My heart is racing, I feel the moisture on my face, and I’m running out of time
The voices become louder as I’m getting closer, that’s when I realize all along

The screams were mine..

 

Epiphany

Caged by my own thoughts a prisoner of my own mind

The silence screams so loud I search for reality, no sign

The invisible lines of physical and fantasy have been so blurred

I attempt to wake my open eyes but it’s my day dreams I prefer

I am not living, I'm simply existing, in this mess that I’ve created

Can’t go back and erase the past, after all that would be time wasted

I can only go forward, though it feels like I'm running uphill, on quick sand

My chin is up, tears cloud my vision, no sense in reaching for help, no hands

This is my life, my fight, I must be strong enough to do this all alone

As I sit back observing attentively, slowly true colors are shown

While I'm quiet and not speaking, they wonder what I'm thinking

But my thoughts are mine, they’re all I have, let them think I'm sinking

I may trip but I will not fall, I am destined for nothing less than greatness

I take something from every misfortune, that’s why my heart is weightless

Always keep a straight face or dress it up with a perfectly painted smile

I laugh at jokes, engage in mindless conversation, crying inside all the while

I am human on the inside, I believe that’s where it counts the most

But on the outside I'm completely put together, all emotions ghost

No more letting perpetrators in, no more let downs, no more selfless sins

I’ve given too much of what I don’t have away with absolutely no wins

My mind is set, I'm breaking through these bars, after these tears are shed

Taking two steps backwards, out of the picture, to see what lies ahead

When you don’t know what to do, you should simply stand still

That’s what I am doing now, because whatever is supposed to happen will